New Detox Will Help You Lose 33 lbs in 33 minutes. Seriously

Detoxes and cleanses are a bunch of malarkey aimed at gullible people who want shortcuts. There are no shortcuts. You have to put in the work and eat like an adult and do it forever. Not a 7 day cleanse. 

Today, I will hopefully help you understand how the human body works, save you a bunch of money, AND give you the path to actually getting the results you want.

So you may have seen all sorts of cleanses and detoxes that will help you “shed unwanted lbs”, “flatten your belly”, and so on and so forth. The list of things these detoxes will do for you is limitless. They can even cure homelessness if we all just did them.

Ok. As with all things, it’s important to objectively try to think things through. Because we want long lasting, sustainable results. And the best way to do that is to ask really good questions (btw, if you really to get shit done and be effective, get good at asking the right questions).

So the first question to ask is this: why am I doing this cleanse/detox? Then if you decide to do it, you can measure it against what you wanted to happen.

I’m going to presume that for 90 to 95 percent of the people it’s to lose weight or flatten your belly etc. Feel free to email me back if there’s something different. And I’m sure a lot of people will say to flush out toxins or something along those lines.

Alright, so we’ve decided that the goal of this thing is to help you lose weight and get rid of toxins. We can agree that those are two separate goals so we’ll address them one at a time. 

Losing weight is a great objective. Having a healthy weight for your height with a good amount of muscle will help you stay healthy and mobile forever.

When we talk about losing weight, we are talking about losing fat. You don’t want to lose that muscle underneath do you? Fat is soft and is unattractive in large amounts (especially if you’re not doing anything about it). Muscle gives you the tone/definition and shape that you want. So you don’t want to lose that. 

Your total bodyweight is made up of fat, bones, organs, muscle, water, glycogen (energy) stored in muscles, and food in your stomach/intestines.

Total bodyweight = organs + muscles + water + bones + glycogen (energy) stored in muscles/liver + FAT + food

The only one that is undesirable is fat. 

This is important to understand when we discuss how the cleanse or detox will miraculously help you lose 10 lbs in 7 days! Will it help you lose 10 lbs of FAT? Or something else...

Generally, these things call for no eating or limited eating. There’s probably juices or something involved. 

Here is your first area of weightloss: there’s less food weight in your body so you are “losing” weight. No, you’re just eating less. And yes, since you will be in a severe calorie deficit, you'll have a small amount of actual weight loss (might be muscle if you're not training).

Notice that I said muscles and liver store glycogen. That glycogen comes from your food. If you eliminate food coming in, you now have less glycogen in your muscles. Glycogen will also pull water into to muscles and liver when it’s in there. So that means you have even less weight now because there’s no glycogen and no water inside your muscles. So you’ve “lost” more weight. 

The thing to notice never really addressed the fat. So as soon as you begin to eat again, you’ll replenish the glycogen and water in your muscles, plus have more food in your stomach. What happened to all that “weight loss”?!?!?

Hopefully you see that your weightloss wasn’t real because what you really wanted was fat loss. So the scale may have changed but you’re still carrying that fat. 

How to lose the fat? We’ve discussed this in the past but real quick: use more calories (energy) than you eat for long period of time. Do that by eating like an adult, exercising vigorously (not like a crazy person though), and repeat for the rest of your life. 

Toxins? So the second question to ask is what toxins exactly are you trying to get rid of? You will probably be unable to answer this question. 

But hey, what the hell, we can all agree we don’t want toxins in our body. In that case, allow me to introduce you to the most amazing detoxing and cleansing things on the planet: your liver and your kidneys! Looks like nature thought of everything. Your liver and kidneys are remarkably resilient and VERY good at their jobs. 

If you still insist on this cleanse, let me ask you one more question: where did these “toxins” come from? 

They came from your food? Because you eat a shitty diet, never drink water, and drink alcohol all the time? you’re saying that if stopped doing those things, you’d rid your body of these “toxins”? Interesting.

Doing the miracle detox and then resuming your regular patterns will send you right back to where you were. So how about this.

I'd like to unveil the 100% Money Back No BS Guaranteed Miracle Super Secret Hollywood Master Cleanse Sexifying Detox. It’s free ninety nine for a limited time and then $29.99 per week and I recommend you do it for the rest of your life. 

1. Eat mystical leafy things that promote liver/kidney/skin/everything function. You can also find them in the produce section of the supermarket. 
2. Drink one gallon of the top secret elixer of life. We call it “Two Hydrogens and An Oxygen” juice. You can buy it from our website for $5.99 per liter. 
3. Regular exertion of adequate dosage (physically challenge your body in a safe way). 
4. Repeat forever.

We could have avoided all this by simply asking: how many people do you know did a clease or detox and there lives changed forever? They lost the weight and kept it off? How many people who adopted eating like an adult and working out in a smart way?

Think about it....